I got shit for saying this in a more public forum so I deleted it, but I still want to write it down.
I feel like I'm not allowed to be upset about my infertility because I haven't had a miscarriage. I'm still extremely heartbroken, but apparently I have no reason to be because I didn't lose anything. Ha-fucking-Ha.
So, I had a dream last night in which I had been regularly going to the doctor. It was winter time, or I lived in just a very cold and snowy part of the world and I drove an Audi (I drove horribly for some reason, Pffft) but those are just little details. So, I had been seeing the doctor frequently, I'm not sure exactly why (because this is a dream) and my most recent trip I'm getting results of some kind, when the doctor comes in he tells me that they've scheduled a c-section for me next week. I'm totally perplexed."You have the wrong person." The doctor says no and shows me some photos that I can't make out. Then I get up to leave and the doctor wants to ask me some questions. Apparently, there had been a man who would impregnate ladies without them knowing, somehow... secretly I had been overjoyed until this point, thinking it was John's baby. Apparently this man was able to spread his seed without actually touching you, my doctor didn't know how. So I was conflicted, to keep the baby or give it up for adoption? Later, I'm diving my Audi recklessly, dodging snow banks in the parking lot and kids sledding down the streets. I crash into my doctor's car... and some other man is with him, somehow I know this is the guy knocking chicks up... but I don't do or say anything... the doctor asks if I'm okay then says "be safe."
It was one of those dreams I woke up from thinking it was really happening... as crazy as it was. I have been watching a lot of "I didn't know I was pregnant" but I have no clue where my unconscious mind got being knocked up by some old perv without him actually even having sex with me so I couldn't charge him with rape from.
Otherwise, my life has been really boring... sleep, work, eat, repeat. John and I got a dog recently, she's a two year old Golden Retriever/Black Lab, she is black and fluffy. She is really adorable and so eager to please, she looks at us before chewing on any of her toys, like she wants us to tell her it's okay. She does that with a lot of the things she does... we renamed her from what the shelter was calling her, "Bethany," to Artemis. She was taken from a dog hoarder in Tennessee... she very rarely barks, she only did once at a dog when we first got her, she saw one outside from the porch, then once when the pizza man knocked on the door.
“Hi I got my diploma yesterday. I'm really happy about that. So I wanted to say and I went outside today. It was really nice and brisk and sunny and that's pretty much it. I hope it doesn't make them to the end this time. Bye.”